There was a new coupon for Bath and Body Works. So I loaded up my kids with a few saved
pennies ready to buy some delicate smelling loveliness. THIS HUMID SUMMER IS INHUMANE, and let's just
say it makes me look and SMELL anything but delicate. A girl still wants to feel like a girl in
this jungle called Florida!!
We were a little disheveled to say the least. Ashley had crusted something on her face and
I wasn't about to have the hair-brush fight with Ally to go to the mall (we
save that fight for school and church).
And Jacob, my sweet handsome baby boy, is perpetually covered in
spit-up. They are my babies and I love
them no matter how goobered, and everyone else will love them too! I didn't even look at myself in the mirror
because I am a good person and super charming and it doesn't matter what I look
like...
We run to the back of the store where the little-bitty
bottles of hand-sanitizer are stationed in glorious, overflowing Plexiglas
bowls. Sparkles, scent-beads, and shimmer
dotted the maze of bottles in every girl
color you could imagine. "Ok, you
can each pick five," I tell my little ladies. As they ogled over all of the possibilities,
I noticed several workers looking up from other duties to inspect us in the
sani-corner. I smiled at each of them,
and they turned away. Ok, fine.
"We need BAGS mom!" Ally says.
We were going to make this a complete Bath and Body Works experience with
mesh baggies for each shopper! I hand a
bag to Ally. "No MOM! THESE
bags!" Ally says holding up the
cute paper-handled bags for which Bath and Body Works is famous. They usually give the bags at the cash
register when they wrap product in pretty paper, but these were just sitting in
a pile, next to the lotions so I figured why not. The girls frantically put their beautiful
sanitizer gels in their own little bags. The stares intensify. And then I feel the woosh of green aprons converge
upon us.
A 50-something employee woman with an angry-looking,
tight-curled, boy-short haircut looks at my Ally square in the face and says,
"Have you PAID for those!?"
All of the weird stares finally sink in. They
think I'm a shoplifter! They think I'm
using my babies to steal stuff! I laugh at her misunderstanding and say,
"Oh no, we are about to, the girls are so excited to have their own bags!" The evil look in her face and formidable
stance between me and the store exit said she was not buying it! "OK
girls, We are making people nervous here,"
I say with emphasis toward angry-haircut-lady, "Let's put the bags away so people know we are NOT stealing." They obey knowing something is serious.
All the other apron ladies look on. I want to scream "I'M GOING TO THE CASH REGISTER TO PAY FOR MY STUFF WITH MONEY I EARNED,
MONEY I EARNED HONESTLY! I WENT TO COLLEGE! I WENT TO MORMON COLLEGE! I DRIVE A TOYOTA CORROLA! " Instead, I say, "Ok girls, time to PAY for our stuff." Boy-bouffant woman seemed satisfied and huffed
away.
I complete the transaction with a less-scary college age
girl. "I have to ask you, I know
this is a little weird, but do you guys get a lot of shoplifters in here? You
guys were all staring at me really closely." She says that they actually do, and it is
difficult to prosecute because the store is so crowded with many little things
people can just pocket. "We can
tell who they are though, so we just watch them really closely..." AWWWk-WAARRD.
"Um, well thanks, have a good day," I offer. Ashley starts screaming because Ally is
grabbing her bag (SANCTIONED bag this time).
The scream scares Jacob and he starts to cry. The nervous apron-people stares become
agitated stares, and I shout "THIS TRAIN WRECK IS LEAVING!" I was out the door with my integrity, and a
little less of my dignity.
That was so wierd, I
think to myself. I can't look THAT bad.
When I get home I check myself in the mirror and crack up in
laughter. A bit of charm was not going to help me that
day. The people thought I was a shop-lifting
meth-head because I looked like a shop-lifting meth-head. It was a perfect moment to spruce up, with
paid-for Bath and Body Works goodies, and feel like a lady again.
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