What not to say on a first (Mom) date

In my mothering career, I have lived at 8 different addresses, in seven different cities, in three different states.  I am not a gypsy (Although I am partial to their over-the-top girlie couture).  These moves can be explained by husbands job change/further education.  I'm sort of a weirdo and have had to learn a few lessons when meeting new people in these 8 different places.  It is important when relocating with little kids to find mom-friends.  And I've learned that making mom friends is similar to dating--you don't tell this potential friend everything at first.  You act like a normal person, let the weirdness slip out, little-by-little until they know that your obsession with  Hello Kitty and miniature things is harmless.

THINGS TO NOT SAY ON A FIRST MOM-DATE:

* I Love buying toys, ”I love buying toys for my kids too".  No for me, I like buying toys for myself

* I wonder how Moms watched their kids before TV...

* Don't you wish you lived during the time in humanity where being fat was really awesome? 

* Whenever I feel shallow I watch Real Housewives. 

*Whenever I feel like a bad parent, I watch Toddlers and Tiaras.

* Whenever I feel like a slob I watch Hoarders, then I go to Wal Mart

* Wouldn't it be funny if people thought we were a couple?

* I have aspirations of becoming a cat-lady

* I don't really like other people's kids, they're annoying

*I'm the opposite of claustrophobic.  I slept in a closet in college.  Can I sit on your lap?

* I'm collecting miniature things for an awesome dollhouse in the future.  I want to be control of my little universe. 

* I dress homeless for personal safety, no one would try to mug a homeless lady, she doesn't HAVE anything, RIGHT?

* If we become really good friends, are you going to be really needy?

* I have hobby ADD.  Want to see my 30 unfinished projects? 

* I LIKE talking to strangers

* Mom blogs bug me because I wish I were better than them