Dear Yappy Dogs

Dear Yappy Dogs,

I am writing to address our daily confrontation when I walk my daughter to school.  I understand barking the first time we pass, but it has been nearly two months now, and I’m tired of it.  I promise that me, my double jogger, 6-month-old, 2-year-old, and 6-year-old are no threat to you or your household.  Maybe I should share a doggie treat with you.  But maybe your owner only feeds you gluten-free and organic dog food.  I know I get really cranky without my carbs, is that why you bark little dogs?  I know!  Our old neighbor’s dog loved digging in the garbage for fresh diaper-wrapped baby poops.  I’ll throw baby Jacob’s finest poop over the fence, but you might prefer 2-year-old poop—a treat for you that is completely home grown!  They say dogs can sense evil, YOU KNOW ABOUT TWO-YEAR-OLD TANTRUMS!! Or maybe you can tell that some mornings I am stressed.  Can dogs smell stress?  Maybe you know that sometimes when you snarl at my darlings I want to roundhouse kick you across the yard.  And maybe you know that with my current muscle tone, my roundhouse kick would be exactly 1 foot off the ground—perfectly on target to get you right in the mouth.  Sorry.  That wasn't nice.  But neither is barking at small children.  Where is your owner?  If I had dogs who regularly barked at nice people, I would give them serious doggie time outs.  Maybe I should stand beside your fence and wait until your owner takes an innocent stroll to the door and start barking and drooling all over myself when he least expects it.  THAT WILL TEACH HIM!  I’d really like to be friendly, but you are making it very hard. 

Sincerely,

Christina