Bless TEXAS!

In the desert outside of Las Cruces, New Mexico the road was bare except for a few of what I'll call "Ghost Stops"--once vibrant little dinners, gas stations, and motels abandoned and left to the elements, the lettering  stenciled in with dirt and wear.  And I saw small properties--many of them the same:  A small, plain modular/mobile home on a few acres with an impressive collection of junk cars and buses. Who were these people living in the middle of nowhere among their car-skeleton friends?  I guess you have to have something to do in a place where nobody is, and space is not an issue--so why not collect old cars and pile them on your lawn!!  Oh look and over there is a dust devil.  Now it is gone.  I'll be your friend Lonely Person In the Desert.  And so my over-caffeinated-under-slept brain wandered. 

Until...

We cross the threshold, reach the finish line, we enter the gates of TEXAS. The state line was marked by 10-ft stone pillars (much like ones you might see outside of an upscale, gated neighborhood) on both sides of the freeway.  Atop each stone column were metal accents which gave the appearance of torch towers (BEHOLD: TEXAS!).  And the crowning jewel:  The Great Lone Star--Big, maybe 2-3 ft across, on each column, metal, matching the torch-lighting stuff.  (REALLY, all this state line was missing was actual fire!).  It was a welcome reprieve from the sad mile markers and tumbleweeds of days past. 

But the true glory of Texas, for me the weary traveler, lay in her grand stops.  There were many billboards advertising this strange place called "BUC-EEs" with its awkward big-toothed beaver mascot.  A few hours west of Houston, we partook of this BUC-EEs.  This "Gas station"  was situated on a concrete slab big enough for a Super Wal-Mart, NAY, a COSTCO.  There were two fueling stations--One "Pull-through"  for RVs and Trucks w/ trailers (This was a MUST for Scott and all of our junk), and the other for regular old cars.  I counted over 20 gas pumps on the RV side alone!  And we were just getting started! 

I RAN to the bathroom (three kids does a number on bladder control, but that's a whole other topic entirely!)  So many stalls, so many SHINY stalls, tiled floor, clean mirrors...still running mind you.  I get situated in a nice little spot right next to one of the EIGHT handicap stalls and go about my business.  They have toilet covers, toilet covers that are STOCKED, and what is this now, soap? A soap dispenser in a BATHROOM?  I look closer and read "Toilet Sanitizing Foam."  WOW SOMEONE CARES ABOUT MY BUM!  Walking out of the bathroom, my mind no longer obsessed with the need to pee, I absorb the majesty that is BUC-EEs.  Are you thirsty?  No problem, BUC-EE's has 20 fully stocked glass doors filled with any beverage you could name in the western hemisphere!  Are you hungry?  Snacks-galore and even their own food--like a restaurant.  I didn't have time to try it, but people were eating FOOD, and ENJOYING it, waiting in LINE to enjoy food from a GAS STATION!!  Are you in a hurry but don't want to wait in a stinky line with a grumpy lady behind that chewing tobacca'?  No problem, BUC-EE's has Check-out lanes, staffed, with human people!!  Are your kids tired and bored from the long drive?  No worries, introduce them to BUC-EE, the giant beaver dude who in human-mascot form is surprisingly not even scary--take a picture with him if you like!  The wonder of it all could make a traveling momma cry! 

But alas, the road was calling and we had to bid dear BUC-EE adieu.  We were headed to Boerne, TX--a little place outside of San Antonio. 

The World's Largest Chili

A lengthy investigation of Las Cruces, New Mexico led us to a little hotel that was home to "The World's Largest Chili."  It was indeed very large, but much to my Ally's dismay it was not an actual, add-to-your-food chili.  To be exact, the motel was home to the world's largest chili sculpture.  But it was a BEAUTY!!  Lookie here.   I think the motel was called "The Red Chili Inn"  I'm not sure, but that sounds right and I don't feel like doing a Google search right now. 

The interior of the lobby looked like a small airport terminal from the 1980s (imagine "Airplane!") with high glass-paned walls at the entrance and directly across at the back door which lead to the courtyard/pool area.   The two side walls were white-washed with eclectic decor: a large coy painting, 3-D gecko-inspired artwork, some Southwest pottery, and of course history about the making of the chili.  They also have proudly displayed The Guinness Book of World Records Certificate for World's Largest Chili! 

It was no Ritz Carlton, not even La Quinta standards--their towels did not match (Brown, blue, bright orange, off-ish white).  But the weird stuff everywhere, including an Asian-inspired garden complete with a coy pond, and friendly  "We're family here" service was most charming.  They even greeted us at our door with a plate of chips and salsa--the plate was a sombrero with two complimentary cans of Diet Coke (At the big hotels this little treat from the mini bar would be $4 each). 

My daughters and I took some complementary coy food, disregarded the gate around the coy pond and walked right next to it when a friendly host said, "I'm so sorry, but our insurance doesn't allow guests right next to the pond, you can feed them from right over here if you'd like!"  Even this little correction was mild and kind. 

In the morning we woke up to the sweet smell of roasting chili!  It wasn't our imagination, or some trick to keep us at the hotel.  There was an actual chili-roasting plant just around the corner.  Fate would have it!

This is the girls the very next morning:

 

So...maybe not the place for a good rest, but a cultural experience to be sure! 

Next on the journey: The Great State of Texas! 

To New Mexico Part II "THE THING!!!"

Ashley maintained her screaming, for a while.  She was much like a fly that gets trapped in a car--at first they are zooming this way and that, bumping into everything and anything trying to escape.  Then after expending all the energy with his little fight-or-flight instinct, he lands on some forgotten sugarblob on the dashboard and just waits, because he is simply too tired to carry on.  Fortunately, Ashley did not have capable wings (Can you imagine if two-year-old humans were equipped with WINGS!?)  and she was strapped to the government-required 5-point harness.  So her fight/flight amounted to kicking and thrashing and screaming.  But, just like the little fly, she grew tired and resigned herself the imprisoned state. 

There wasn't much to do and there was a smaller human right next to her, little baby Jacob. Hey we could be friends,  she considered.   Of course Jacob had been watching her outburst the whole time, and reacting to the abrupt crescendos in her wailing with cries of his own.  Then this,  "Hiiii jAAAAAAA-CUP!!"  Jacob responded with the sweetest little giggle.  At this point I removed the ripped baby wipes form my ears.  Ashley was delighted with his response, because up to this point in her life he merely drooled and pooped around her.  "Hiiiiii jAAAAA-CUP!"  And more giggles.  It was like the two of them in their little baby way were discovering each other for the first time.   

With the babies happy for a moment, I was able to enjoy my surroundings which included billboards advertising "THE THING!!!"  (You must say it in a decrepit monster voice to appreciate the mood of these billboards).   "Hey sweetie, we're gonna stop in 30 miles and see THE THING!"  My husband says on the phone.  Of course we were going to see it.  With each billboard growing more urgent and intriguing, with little competition from other venders advertising in the middle of nowhere, "THE THING!!!"  had captured our interest.  Such build-up, such suspense!   We pull into the driveway of "THE THING"  and braced ourselves.  Admittance was $2 for me and Scott and the kids were free.   

We followed bright yellow Big-Foot-like prints around various buildings--oblong metal sheds that were HOT!  At first we enjoyed a historic look at the southwest--artifacts from the 1880s to early 1900s.  These included horse buggies, beds, Native American pots, etc.  Then we were taken into a disconcerting look at the history of torture.  Behind metal bars were full-scale renderings of humans being tortured on devises like the rack.  How quaint.  I tried to hurry the little ones past this exhibit before there were too many questions like, "Why is that man crying, and why does his face look like he just ate a lemon then ate fire?"  Finally outside we are on the threshold of the building that housed  "THE THING!!!"   

Inside was much like the other buildings, dark, and hot.  But just a few paces ahead, in a large plexi-glass coffin-box laid, in all its glory, "THE THING!!!"  (cue decrepit voice).    "It's a MUMMY!"  I proclaim.  "Mayyybe," responds my husband.   "It's holding a Baby...?"   "I guesss..."  replies husband.  "Is it a real mummy Dad?"  Ally asked, wide-eyed.  "I don't think so, look at the weird shape of his bones," I offer.  "Hmmm...let's take a look at the anatomy of the teeth.....nope....no...defiantly not real."  My husband's education, among other things, helped to determine that "THE THING" was in fact a fake, papier-mâché, well, thing that someone created as a tourist trap.  Oh well.  We were there, and they had a bathroom and we all had to pee.  So we were led out feeling a little tricked, and they threw in another artists clay rendering of the bust of a man being tortured, just for good measure.  The exit path led to a large cacophony of South West JUNK.  Bison Snow globes, Howling Coyote Tea Cloths, Cowboy Boot Door Stoppers,  many accented with faux turquoise. We left with a chuckle and some bad food, and Ally was quite satisfied with her $6 fill-it-to-the-top bag of polished rocks.   Then we were off to see the largest chili in the world.