Ashley maintained her screaming, for a while. She was much like a fly that gets trapped in a car--at first they are zooming this way and that, bumping into everything and anything trying to escape. Then after expending all the energy with his little fight-or-flight instinct, he lands on some forgotten sugarblob on the dashboard and just waits, because he is simply too tired to carry on. Fortunately, Ashley did not have capable wings (Can you imagine if two-year-old humans were equipped with WINGS!?) and she was strapped to the government-required 5-point harness. So her fight/flight amounted to kicking and thrashing and screaming. But, just like the little fly, she grew tired and resigned herself the imprisoned state.
There wasn't much to do and there was a smaller human right next to her, little baby Jacob. Hey we could be friends, she considered. Of course Jacob had been watching her outburst the whole time, and reacting to the abrupt crescendos in her wailing with cries of his own. Then this, "Hiiii jAAAAAAA-CUP!!" Jacob responded with the sweetest little giggle. At this point I removed the ripped baby wipes form my ears. Ashley was delighted with his response, because up to this point in her life he merely drooled and pooped around her. "Hiiiiii jAAAAA-CUP!" And more giggles. It was like the two of them in their little baby way were discovering each other for the first time.
With the babies happy for a moment, I was able to enjoy my surroundings which included billboards advertising "THE THING!!!" (You must say it in a decrepit monster voice to appreciate the mood of these billboards). "Hey sweetie, we're gonna stop in 30 miles and see THE THING!" My husband says on the phone. Of course we were going to see it. With each billboard growing more urgent and intriguing, with little competition from other venders advertising in the middle of nowhere, "THE THING!!!" had captured our interest. Such build-up, such suspense! We pull into the driveway of "THE THING" and braced ourselves. Admittance was $2 for me and Scott and the kids were free.
We followed bright yellow Big-Foot-like prints around various buildings--oblong metal sheds that were HOT! At first we enjoyed a historic look at the southwest--artifacts from the 1880s to early 1900s. These included horse buggies, beds, Native American pots, etc. Then we were taken into a disconcerting look at the history of torture. Behind metal bars were full-scale renderings of humans being tortured on devises like the rack. How quaint. I tried to hurry the little ones past this exhibit before there were too many questions like, "Why is that man crying, and why does his face look like he just ate a lemon then ate fire?" Finally outside we are on the threshold of the building that housed "THE THING!!!"
Inside was much like the other buildings, dark, and hot. But just a few paces ahead, in a large plexi-glass coffin-box laid, in all its glory, "THE THING!!!" (cue decrepit voice). "It's a MUMMY!" I proclaim. "Mayyybe," responds my husband. "It's holding a Baby...?" "I guesss..." replies husband. "Is it a real mummy Dad?" Ally asked, wide-eyed. "I don't think so, look at the weird shape of his bones," I offer. "Hmmm...let's take a look at the anatomy of the teeth.....nope....no...defiantly not real." My husband's education, among other things, helped to determine that "THE THING" was in fact a fake, papier-mâché, well, thing that someone created as a tourist trap. Oh well. We were there, and they had a bathroom and we all had to pee. So we were led out feeling a little tricked, and they threw in another artists clay rendering of the bust of a man being tortured, just for good measure. The exit path led to a large cacophony of South West JUNK. Bison Snow globes, Howling Coyote Tea Cloths, Cowboy Boot Door Stoppers, many accented with faux turquoise. We left with a chuckle and some bad food, and Ally was quite satisfied with her $6 fill-it-to-the-top bag of polished rocks. Then we were off to see the largest chili in the world.
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